Where do I fit in?

OK, here's a fresh one.

I have to admit, the local synagogue has made me feel welcome. Even got my picture in the newsletter - twice. (I'm the guy with the spatula and the surprised look.) I have a good time when we get together at a member's home to try reading Hebrew. And most of the time when I go to services I'm glad I went. Still, I have a feeling of hesitation before going to activities there. Something keeps reminding me I'm not Jewish, and its unlikely I ever will *be* Jewish. And then that makes me wonder why I'm so interested in Judaism in the first place.

Last week, I was looking forward to going to Friday night service. It was one of the weeks the student rabbi was in town, and it was to be a short service followed by an observance of Tu B'Sheveat. (Never mind that Tu B'Shevat was a week ago - when you have services only onece a month some adjustment is necessary.) But Friday, as sunset approached, I began to feel uneasy. I managed to find other things to keep my busy until it was too late, then felt guilty. Honestly, it felt just like in high school, when I avoided school parties because I felt like I didn't belong. I don't know what's up with that. Guess I've always felt uneasy in social situations.

I suppose the usual advice would be to talk with the rabbi, but there isn't one. We get a seminary student for maybe two days a month, and her schedule is always pretty full. I really don't know any of the congregants well enough to talk with about something this personal, especially when I have a hard time describing it. And the only Jewish friends I have that I would feel comfortable with live far far away and I see them 2-3 times a year.

*sigh* The next thing at the synagogue is the Purim party. That gives me a couple weeks to stew.

Advantages of a small synagogue.

Oct. 18th, 2008

There are some disadvantages to a small congregation, such as not having a rabbi, and barely being able to cover expenses, but there are some good points too.

Ours is one of only two synagogues in the state, having about 30 members, and services happen maybe 1-2 times a month. Today was the first Saturday service they'd had about 2 years, led by a member of the congregation I'll call Victor, because that is his name. Besides Victor, there were 5 people in attendance. One was me, who's barely getting started in Judaism, and two others were boys age 6 and 11.

Today, Victor explained, we hit the Trifecta, observing three holidays at once (since we meet so seldom). We did a bit for Sukkot, and for Shemini Atzeret, then for Simchat Torah Victor pointed out the advantage of a small congregation. Everybody, even the Goy (me), came up to the bimah, and everyone had a Torah scroll to carry. There were a couple small scrolls (1920 vintage) for the youngsters, and there was even one left over. When it came time to read from Genesis two more people had arrived, so everyone got to read a day of creation. (Is it standard practice for a non-Jew to carry a Torah scroll?)

After the service, we retired to the Sukkah a block away at Victor's house, everyone fit inside, and took turns shaking the Lulav and Etrog.

I think I got more out of today's service than the other 5 I've attended, in large part because Victor explained just about everything we were doing. And I was able to take an active part, rather than just tying to mumble along in my non-existant Hebrew.

That's all. Just felt like sharing. (Hebrew lessons start next week.)

I have strange friends

LJ post Dec. 26th, 2007
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Back on Dec 5, M. asked if I had to work on the 25th. I told her I was free, and that's the last was said about it.

Christmas day I had nothing planned. In the morning I puttered around in my jammies listening to Klezmer music. About 1:00 I went to shovel snow at the 4-plex, as it was the first chance all week. On the way home I drove past both the Chinese buffets, and noted how full the parking lots were, especially considering how few Jews there are here. Chinese on Christmas must be gaining cross-culture popularity, possibly due to A Christmas Story.

About 2:30 I was getting ready to pop in a DVD and open a can of chow mien when M. called telling me to come over at 4:00 - they had something special planned "with the greatest of love." That had me worried. She wanted to recognize my recent study of the Jewish faith. That had me *realy* worried.

So I get to their house, walk through the door, and onto my head plops a green felt yarmulke with red holly berries. On the fridge was a revised menu, with things like ham and lobster crossed out, replaced with brisket and matzo balls, (We really had turkey, etc), and the wine was accompanied by a sugar bowl.

I wasn't unprepared. In recognition of M's Catholic upbringing, I gave her a Nun Bowling set. Also left her my copy of Judaism for Dummies.

Starch and Grease. Yummy!

From LJ Dec. 10th, 2007
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While most of my SCA friends were in Milwaukee, I was making new friends while having fun chopping potatoes and onions for the B’nai Israel Hanukkah Party. Good time bonding with the men's latke frying brigade.

Everyone was saying what a good turnout there was - about 40 grownups and a dozen kids. Lots and lots of food, all yummy. And at least 4 menorahs on each table. With all the candles and hot oil, I was afraid the fire department would show up. And thanks to the Interwebs, I was able to sing along with the Hanukkah carols.

New Experience

As mentioned below, I'm reposting some old LJ entries to get things started. This one is from Nov. 16th, 2007.
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I was raised Presbyterian, but aside from weddings and funerals, I haven't attended any sort of religious observance since 1988. Tonight I went to Shabbat service.

A number of times, I found myself thinking "ok, what just happened?" Id been to a Latin mass once, and didn't understand that either. But I guess the important part is that most of the congregation did. (Of particular note was that the half-dozen children were out-singing the adults, and in harmony.)

It so happened that there were also some comparative religion students there on what I guess you'd call a field trip. After the service, I kibbitzed in the Q&A with the students and a couple of the members and found that to be most informative.

Tomorrow is the Basic Judaism class. I should make a list of things to ask.

Mmmmmm. There's some bean and barley stew in the crock pot for tomorrow. Smells yummy.

Judism in the Sticks

I'm not Jewish - yet. This will be a place to blog about my experience exploring Judaism in a small Midwestern city. There's a "Conserviform" synagogue here with about 30 families, but no rabbi, and the next nearest is 90 miles away.

I'm s single man in my 50's. I grew up on a farm in a predominantly Lutheran area, and was raised Presbyterian. I've long had an interest in Judaism, and took an Intro to Judaism class and began attending services a bit over a year ago.

I've occasionally posted about this on my Livejournal, and will be re-posting some of those here just to get things started